SILLY POEMS
Scroll down or choose from the selection below.
Listen To Your Vegetables
By Jonathan Sellars
Listen to your vegetables.
Eat your carers, mums, and dads.
There’ll be trouble if you’re good.
There’ll be ice cream if you’re bad.
Daytime’s when you go to sleep.
Night-time’s when you play.
Take your teeth to school.
Brush your homework twice a day.
Stay away from baths.
Wash your hair in muddy puddles.
Don’t remember all these rules,
Do get them in a muddle.
Excuses, Excuses
By Jonathan Sellars
Whenever I’m wrong, whenever I’m late,
Whenever I leave when I said I would wait,
I could just confess and admit what I’ve done
Or… I could make excuses (and have much more fun).
Excuses, excuses, the truth is so boresome,
Don’t tell the truth but invent something awesome.
I’m late as I got blown to space by my kite.
A dinosaur ate all my homework last night.
I was cursed by a wizard who looks like a toad -
If I do what you tell me he says I’ll explode.
Excuses, excuses, just open your mind,
Who knows what ideas for excuses you’ll find.
The ghost in my bag drew these things on my books.
Those eggs were all thrown by invisible cooks.
I had to eat all of that cake, yes, I’m sure,
For I had a disease and that cake was the cure.
Excuses, excuses, I really can’t see,
Why people don’t make up excuses like me.
My alarm clock’s on strike so it didn’t go off.
I got kidnapped by camels called Kirk and Christophe.
Aliens, pink ones, from somewhere near Mars,
Forced me to glue both my hands to this vase.
Excuses, excuses, I love to conceive them.
But, excuses, excuses,
Why does no one believe them??
The Truth About Lies
By Jonathan Sellars
Lies, I believe,
Are a magical thing,
Like the spells of a wizard,
Like the songs sirens sing.
For though they’re just words
Their power is vast,
Lies reshape the future,
Lies rewrite the past.
But before you lie next
Beware this advice,
Lying is free
Yet it comes with a price.
For the truth about lies,
Which is often forgotten,
Is that all lies have teeth
And they will bite your bottom.
My Train Buffet
By Jonathan Sellars
What I love most about trains
Isn’t the sounds that they make,
Or the speeds that they thunder along at,
Or the sulphurous smells when they brake.
No, what I love most about trains,
The thing that I’ve always adored,
Is munching and crunching and slurping
On the feasts that I find while on board.
The chips down the back of the seats,
The chewing gum stuck to the floor,
The yellowy goop that’s possibly cheese
Smeared on the wall by the door.
The warm furry ham, the green speckled eggs,
Wedged in the gaps between rows,
The numerous luminous liquids
That slosh up and down by my toes.
Each journey the food and drink’s different,
The surprise is all part of the thrill,
Oh how I love my train buffets,
Although…
They do make me violently ill.
Glorious Glue
By Jonathan Sellars
Glue, glue, glorious glue,
Oh all the magical things you can do:
Like keep rings on fingers,
Like fix plugs in sockets,
Like stick things to me when I haven’t got pockets.
Glue, glue, glorious glue,
Oh all the fun times that I’ve had with you:
That time we attached all those balls to my head,
That time when we covered the ceiling in bread.
Glue, glue, glorious glue,
Oh how you’ve helped when I’ve needed you to:
You’ve un-wobbled teeth,
You’ve re-attached hair,
You’ve locked the front door when the key wasn’t there.
And I want you to know glue we’ll always be friends
Long past the day that this tube of yours ends.
But glue, glue, glorious glue,
I just wish you weren’t quite so hard to undo.
Hair I Comb
By Jonathan Sellars
My hair isn’t fair,
My hair doesn’t care,
It does what it wants,
It grows everywhere.
The top of my ears,
The tip of my toes,
All over my back,
From out of my nose.
It curls and it frizzes,
It knots and it tangles,
It sticks up on end
at the strangest of angles.
But hair be aware,
Hair watch your back,
I’m coming to get you,
I’m on the attack.
I’ve bought me some scissors,
I’ve bought me a comb,
I’ve bought me a razor
And shave-assist foam.
I’m ready to battle like never before,
So hair be afraid,
‘Cos hair this is war.
I Believe
By Jonathan Sellars
I believe all sausages are laid by giant birds,
I believe each mountain goat knows how to say ten words,
I believe that yesterday was nothing but a dream,
I believe there lives an ‘I’ within the ‘T’ in Team,
I believe my feet smell great (and much better than yours),
I believe the dinosaurs knew how to open doors,
I believe bananas can be used to talk to trees,
I believe time does standstill, and jump about, and sneeze,
I believe potatoes come alive and dance at night,
I believe what I believe,
And I believe I’m right.
What Does The Sun Taste Like?
By Jonathan Sellars
What does the sun taste like?
How do I learn to speak cheese?
Where is the King of the sausages?
Do trees get annoyed they can’t sneeze?
Should I be scared of invisible cats?
Why can’t I smell through my wrist?
When can I live in your armpit?
And do stupid questions exist?